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What We Have Lost
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Our biggest loss is the loss of the man or woman we knew and
fell in love with. Even though they are still the same person underneath the illness, it can seem as if a stranger has
entered our lives. We lose many of our dreams. We lose the partnership we had hoped for and end up
feeling as if we are "in it" all by ourselves. We suffer the loss of having a
"normal" life, the loss of stability and knowing what to expect day to day. We may experience other losses as well.
Financial loss. Loss of friends. Even the loss of support that most people receive when someone they love experiences a severe illness.
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Cycle Of Hope & Despair
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Our experience of grief is like being jerked up and down on
the end of a rubber band. As our loved one responds to medication or has a break in
their symptoms we may experience relief and an uneasy hope that the calm will continue. We catch a glimpse of
what life could be or what our partner would be like without this illness. For many, this respite is
short lived as our mate's illness flares up when they relapse, leaving our hopes dashed...again. Relapse can be a
time when we experience some of our most intense pain and grief.
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LIVING With Grief
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There is probably nothing we can do to eliminate our grief completely.
However, we can still find pleasure and fulfillment in our lives.
I hope that some of these thoughts and ideas will give you some relief and provide you with a ray of hope.
- Acknowledge your grief. Deep and repeated loss accompanies mental illness. Just because you experience
grief often, does not mean there is something wrong with you. Many of us experience this type of grief.
- Allow yourself to cry. Many people who live with chronic grief cry a little almost everyday. Crying is a great emotional release.
- Allow yourself to enjoy life. Staying stuck in your grief is not helpful. Even though you may experience grief often, allow yourself to experience
the good things in your life too. If you are unable to do this, it may be helpful to talk with a counselor or therapist.
- Seek Out Support. Having a good support system, one that allows you to feel loved and validated, has a big impact on your ability to
cope with grief. Look for a support group or seek out other partners if you need to.
- Channel Your Grief. Sometimes writing about how you feel, through journalling or poetry, can help. Painting, drawing, or music can also allow you to express
your emotions. Helping others in need may help take your focus off your grief.
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Here are
some links that may help you gain insight and ease your grief:
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