Beacon of Hope |
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Boosting Your Mood |
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For years I had a difficult time trying to cope with my own moods as they were
affected by my husband's illness and my own personality. My husband would be moody and get
ticked off and I would become depressed, wondering what I had done to cause him to
feel this way. He would be especially silly or animated and I
would become anxious, thinking he might be about to relapse. During the times when he was
feeling better, I often felt worse. I told myself over and over "I shouldn't be feeling
this way". After reading "The Feeling Good Handbook" I realized my moods were being affected by the way I was thinking about my situation and interpreting my husband's behavior. I learned that by identifying where my thinking was getting me into trouble and learning to combat these thoughts, I would often feel a lot better. Here are some ways our thinking can lead us into feeling depressed, angry, and anxious and what we can do to feel a little better. Taking Things Personally It is so easy, especially when you are dealing with a spouse who is acting out, to take things personally. Behaviors may range from criticizing and nit-picking to accusations and verbal and emotional abuse. Abuse is never acceptable. Other behaviors may seem to be directed at us personally, but often this is just our perception. It is helpful to recognize these times and redirect our thinking by responding to these thoughts with reasonable explanations. "He is acting this way because of his illness. It isn't anything I have done". "She is having a bad day. Everyone does once in awhile". Blowing Things Out Of Proportion If you anticipate a catastrophe before you are sure there is a problem, you create added stress for yourself and may end up feeling anxious. I experience this when my husband can't stop talking or seems especially animated. I start thinking "Oh no! He is going to relapse and end up in the hospital". Although this is a possibility, it helps to challenge this thinking with the realization that this does not mean he WILL relapse. He has acted this way many times before and not relapsed. In any case, it helps to keep calm. "Should-ing" On Yourself When you tell yourself you "shouldn't" feel this way or you "should" be able to handle things better, you may end up feeling guilty and frustrated. Thinking about all your partner "should" be doing can lead to frustration too. Changing the thought that you "should" to "it would be helpful if" takes away the bite and accusatory feeling that these thoughts evoke. It's Ok To Feel Chaos and emotional turmoil are often a very real part of mental illness. There are times when you are just going to feel hurt, angry, or sad. That is perfectly normal. These are the times when you need to pamper yourself. But when you start feeling this way most of the time, it may be helpful to seek something like cognitive therapy to help yourself cope a little better. Try it! You may be surprised at the relief you experience. Additional Resources Here are two good books that will walk you through the cognitive therapy process step by step, and some links to sites that explain cognitive therapy in more detail. Books
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Beacon of Hope |