Beacon of Hope

Help! My Parnter is Depressed

There are times when I feel like I am getting pulled into my partner's depression and emotional turmoil. I have read alot of the information on how to help someone with depression - be supportive, realize they can't function, its not that they don't want to, etc. - but sometimes after all this, I am the one who ends up feeling stressed and depressed. Then I feel guilty. My partner is the one who is ill and needs help. But sometimes all I feel is anger, frustration, and depression. Then I think, "What is wrong with me? I must be really selfish to have these thoughts and feelings when my partner is having such a hard time. I can't talk to my husband about how I feel because I don't want to make things worse for him. Sometimes I feel so alone". If you have any of these thoughts or feelings, you are not alone. Many of us who have been dealing with depression in our loved one experience the very same thing. You are not a bad person because you feel angry, frustrated, or alone. Here are some suggestions that have helped me ease my frustration. Lower your expectations of being able to restore your partner to a brighter mood. Expecting that what you do is going to bring your partner out of depression for any length of time only leads to anger, frustration, or a sense of failure. Be kind to yourself. If you are having a bad day and feeling pressured, give yourself a break. Take a nap. Go for a walk. Read a book. Ask for help. Do the next thing. As a consequence of depression, we often end up taking on extra work. Sometimes this can seem overwhelming. Instead of thinking about all the things you have to do, just choose what you will do next and concentrate on that and leave the rest. Detach. For me, this means to avoid focusing my full attention on my partner's mood and allowing myself to participate and enjoy joint activities as much as I can despite my partner's mood. Don't take things so personally. Your partner's depression is not your fault. It is common to feel anger, frustration, and like you are a failure sometimes, this does not mean that you are a failure or a bad person. It only means that you are having a common emotional response to a very difficult situation. Other Depression Resources Web Sites: Help Yourself! It's The Best Way To Help Your Depressed Partner (Membership required) Helping The Depressed Person Get Treatment (Membership required) Books: How You Can Survive When They're Depressed by Anne Sheffield When Someone You Love Is Depressed: How To Help Your Loved One Without Losing Yourself by Laura Epstein Rosen

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