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For me, it begins with the thought, and sometimes unconscious feeling, that
what I say or do has the power to cause my husband to get worse or even relapse. During periods of peace and calm, it is
wondering when the next "storm" will hit, knowing that it may be unexpected and totally out of the blue.
It is the feeling of fear and tension that compels me to try to protect my husband and keep our lives
on an even keel. I am afraid to say what I think or feel. I am afraid to tell my husband bad or upsetting news.
I am afraid to ask my partner to do things I feel he is capable of doing because I think it will add more stress.
It's like walking around with a ticking bomb in your hand afraid that any false move
will cause it to explode.
What Do I Do About It?
Here are some things that may help reduce your fear and help you to stop
feeling as if you have to be careful of every move you make.
- Making requests of your husband or wife and discussing feelings, problems, and expectations will not cause your partner to relapse. It is helpful to
remember that people suffering from mental illness are more sensitive to stimuli. Speaking calmly, clearly, and directly will help communication. You
may also need to lower your expectations.
- Be aware of your partner's relapse symptoms. People with mental illness usually have their own unique set of relapse symptoms. These symptoms, however,
tend to be the same from episode to episode. The main cause of relapse is not enough medication. You may be able to prevent a relapse by having your mate's medication adjusted.
- No matter how hard you try to avoid it, you will make mistakes by saying or doing the wrong thing at the wrong time. Mental illness is a very difficult and trying disease. Be gentle and forgiving with yourself.
- If your partner is just out of the hospital, give yourself some time to adjust and time for
your partner's symptoms to subside. It is normal to feel edgy during this time.
- If your fear is the result of your spouse's aggressive behavior, avoid confrontation and take whatever steps are necessary to ensure your safety.
- Take some time for yourself without your partner. Take a walk. Work on a hobby. Spend time with a friend. Do something new and creative.
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